


Homework

by Bleck



Category: Animorphs - Katherine A. Applegate
Genre: Anorexia, Eating Disorders, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-27
Updated: 2017-10-27
Packaged: 2019-01-23 21:11:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12516668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bleck/pseuds/Bleck
Summary: Tobias and Rachel talk over homework.





	Homework

**Author's Note:**

> This is less of an actual fic and more me working through some stuff through two of my favorite characters but I figured i'd post it anyway.

<What are you reading?> I asked Rachel as I flew towards her window. I was close enough to see that she was reading a textbook but I couldn't make out the words yet, which was saying a lot with hawk eyes.

Rachel looked up from her book and gave me a little wave. She wasn't in morph and couldn't use thought speak. Instead, she closed the book around her finger and showed me the cover. Her health textbook. To be honest, I was a lot less interested. English was better. And usually less awkward.

"Hey, cutie." Rachel said when I landed on her window.

Not for the first time, I was glad hawks couldn't blush.

<How's it going?> I asked while I fluttered from her windowsill to her desk.

"It's fine. Just doing homework. Reading this chapter and answering questions. We're going to have to watch one of those stupid movies about it tomorrow."

<Ouch.> It seemed like every movie shown in any health class was supposed to be awful. <What's the subject?> I walked over so I could read the page instead of looking at it upside down. My heart dropped in my chest. <Oh.>

The chapter was on eating disorders. The section she was reading was about anorexia.

<Can I read it?>

"Knock yourself out, I just started and i'm already bored." Rachel said before she scooched her chair back and spun around in a slow circle. She was extremely pretty.

I read the entire chapter in half an hour, even though it was difficult turning pages with talons. Not much of it was new information but some of it made me feel...something. Excited? Whatever the emotion was, I usually felt it after reading about anorexia or restricted eating. I knew it was bad, dangerous even, but it still felt good. Which is probably the most normal messed up thing in my life right now. Lots of people had eating disorders. Some of them died. I might but it was way more likely to be from dracon fire and the war than heart failure from starving myself, which could happen with an eating disorder. That was actually new information. 

<The answer to the first question is going to be wrong.>

"What?" Rachel asked, looking at me confused. 

<What it wants you to say is something about food and losing weight.>

"Ok? It is talking about an eating disorder. That's a food thing. There was a girl on my gymnastics team with one and she talked about calories and stuff a lot."

<Yea but...nothing, never mind.> I shook my head. Rachel didn't seem like she was going to let it go. I must have let something slip. That was an issue with thought speak, it was harder to hide your feelings.

"What's the matter?" She asked as she put her hand on my neck. Either to try and calm me down or help her see if I was nervous I wasn't sure.

I'm not sure why but I told her. I'd never told another living soul. Not even Dude. No one had ever cared. Maybe that was why.

<I...I have that. Or I did. I used to have it. I guess. I think. Probably. Maybe.> I confessed. 

"I had no idea." Rachel whispered, shocked.

<I don't remember when it started. Actually, no, that's a lie. I do. I remember everything about it. My aunt had a magazine talking about it and these websites, pro-ana.>

"What's that?"

<Pro- in favor of- anorexia.>

Rachel's lip curled. "Why would anyone want to do that? It can cause organ failure for pete's sake."

<Control. That's what it's about. It's why people start. Or at least it's why I did. I couldn't do anything about anything, all of the bad stuff just happened and I had to go along with it. But I could control what I ate. And eventually it got out of control. I told myself it was about control but it became like an addiction or something. I had to weight myself at least three times a week, I had to keep losing weight. More and more until I was finally skinny enough.>

<People online post pictures, thinspiration or thinspo, skinny people they want to look like to help starve. The websites have links to tips to cover it up or to help deal with hunger pains or on how to avoid eating. It's awful but it's like a black hole or a car crash, you know it's dangerous and someone could get hurt but you can't look away.>

<It's not even just people online that used to help. People in school used to. It's...stunning. To always be a loser and the only time people talk to you is to insult you and then, when your weight loss starts to show, suddenly people start talking to you? Compliment you even? I have no idea if you can honestly comprehend how great that feels, Rachel. So, yea, it's sick and it's terrible but when you're surrounded by all that stuff it feels good. It really does.>

I was so lost in my own head and the feeling of relief, of finally being able to talk to someone about this, that I hadn't realized until I stopped talking that Rachel was wiping her eyes. She'd been crying or just about.

"I'm sorry, Tobias. I'm..." An interesting thing about Rachel is that when she's sad, she gets angry. So the sudden anger in her voice was totally expected. "I'm blaming your aunt. She's one of those woman who always has a stupid diet magazine around, right? Always talking about how great this or that diet is and shit?"

<Uh, yea, I guess so.>

"It's just another reason then." She growled.

<For what?>

"For me to kill your good for nothing aunt and uncle, that's what."

**Author's Note:**

> Anorexia is awful and pro-ana is evil, horrible, bullshit.


End file.
